I find myself wishing the time to go faster. To get to a point where we are home and you are older, no longer needing a feeding tube, no longer being without me at night, no longer fighting. I feel guilty for wishing your first months would hurry up. I hope one day you'll forgive me for that. I know I won't have as many memories of your beginning as I do your brothers. Your baby book may be a bit lacking in your first months. I hope you'll understand. I was a little busy. I was by your side watching you fight for your life. I was by your side, sick with worry as you fought your way back from ECMO and surgery. I was there as you grew and gave a middle finger to the doctors predictions and did better than anyone could have predicted. I was there, where I hope you never have to be. With you, watching you, hurting for you, with you. So forgive me for wishing these times would pass more quickly. But I do. Because I love you.
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