Not gonna lie guys, NICU life is hard. And hectic. I seem to be running in circles most of the time. Our NICU is an hour and a half away from where we live, but I'm blessed to have someone to stay with who also allows Linus to stay with us. Jon stays home to work and visits on the weekends. I'm also blessed to have someone to take Linus a few hours each day so I can go see Lydia. So many blessings and it is still hard to manage, not to mention exhausting. No matter how good your little one is doing, it's still hard to have to visit your own child. I would hold Lydia all day if I could. I get excited about changing her diapers. I can't wait for the day she is home and I'm the one rocking her back to sleep when she fusses and getting minimal sleep at night. Being away from her is so hard it hurts. Especially when you have to leave her and she looks at you and you know she must be wondering where her momma is going. I am dreading going back to work because that will mean no weekday visits. Ugh. And then there is Linus, who is amazing and handling everything well. Being shuttled from place to place and not knowing who will be with him what days. He's really a champ, but I feel guilty for putting him through this unstable time. And then there is my husband who I only get to see for a couple days a week and even then we are distracted by hospital visits and big kids needing our attention and time. Our lives are completely on hold. It's summer and I would love to be able to take Linus fishing or go hiking or plan a day out, but there are so many hours in a day and with travel time and hospital visits, plus trying to fit pumping in every couple hours, there are only so many things we can do. I feel like Linus is missing out on his summer and there comes the guilt in again. Yes, NICU life is hard. So worth it in the end, but the journey home is rough.
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